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Unexpected Path to Destiny (pt 1 of 2)- 1997 Grey Course – Ahr Zhe Winnie (97.03)

The Lost But Known Path to Ibiza (part 1 of 2)

[00:17:12] In 1983, I was living in Toronto, Canada, and I had a film company, an entertainment company is called RKA Entertainment. And I made films for television. I made rock and roll videos and I did a fashion documentary films throughout the world. And I built a media business. I lived in a very large old Victorian house in the heart of Sydney, and every room in the house was painted black and all the carpets were black, and the furniture was black, and all the dishes were black, and all the, well, everything was black. There with these very colorful pictures on the walls that we’re taken during my trips, my film trips, but it was a very black place. And the only thing that wasn’t black was my car. I had a white Cadillac, big white Cadillac with red leather interior, with one, one of these automatic busses that surrounded it. I was in the middle of making the first rock and roll 3D movie, which one of the Canadian banks had given me a million dollars to make, which I thought was really nice of them. And I had a whole bunch of employees and 24 union employees, plus my staff. And at the top of this old Victorian mansion, I had a flat, where I lived. And I got up one morning. I used to do very strange things, I have an unconscious mind, I really don’t know what goes on inside of me until it happens. I’m a very spontaneous being. And what would often happen to me is and I would get up in the morning and I would pack out a satchel of mine and I would pack it with lots of things and I would get into my car and usually take LSD and go for a drive. I would often ended up in all kinds of bizarre places, usually some bordering states and I had to scramble back to get to work. So, it was something that was not terribly unusual for me, I got up in the morning and I opened up my satchel and I threw some things and some. And I went over, had a big, long desk that was the length of the whole room, a very strange thing, it had a running board on the side that would slide back and forth. And I went into the petty cash box and I think I took out seven or eight hundred dollars. I don’t remember how much it was. I took some money out. Put it in my pocket. And I started to cry. I had no idea what’s going on. I had no idea what’s going on. And when things like that would occur to me because of the nature of the kind of being this is, I just didn’t pay any attention to it. It’s just that you’re nuts this morning. Oh, I went downstairs, and I opened up my garage and I got inside my car and drove around the corner. Because around the corner was a pharmacy where I could go and buy my cigarettes. And I pulled up in front of the pharmacy and I got out of my car and left the engine running. I grabbed the satchel, I went into the pharmacy and bought two packages of Du Maurier, my favorite Canadian cigarettes, and went out the other door. Left my car idling there, in the street. And as I was going out the other door, something inside of me said, do you have any idea what you just did? I had absolutely no control over myself. [00:21:08][235.9]

[00:21:21] One of the things that I find interesting about myself is that from that point on to my life, I would go through a great many bizarre things. And what I discovered was that I was never really involved. I mean, as I was walking out of the pharmacy, and I remember it vividly as I was walking out and, and I was walking down. I was walking down Young Street, which is a main street in Toronto, and I was walking towards this train station. And it was clear to me that I was walking towards the train station. And it was clear to me that something was going on, but I had no idea what it was. I had flashes of my car standing there with the engine still running, which seemed very amusing to me and I started to laugh as I was walking down the street. I went into the train station and I took a ticket to a small town in Ontario called Belleville, I had a friend of mine who lived out there, he was a, he was a, a drug dealer, he was a smuggler, he used to smuggle hashish from India bring it to Canada and he built himself a retreat in the River country, and he bought an old mill, fixed up this old mill that had a, that had its own dam and generated its own electricity, he was one of these, uh hippies. He was a hippie. I was the first yuppie. And I take the train out to Bellville, Ontario, and I take a taxicab about is to his place. And as I’m arriving, he and his wife and their child are leaving. And we have about 10 minutes of dialog, and he was used to be coming out there and he gave me the keys to the mill, and he told me where to leave them and they were going on vacation. So, I was all alone there. And it was very hot, it was very hot. The rivers had been, had been low on water and there was, if you walked up to the mill house, there was this dam that went across the river and the water was very low. So it was just this trickle of water that was going over the dam and it was about this wide. So, I took off all my clothes and I went up there and I sat in the middle of this dam. I had a sense of tragedy or grief for. And yet that day, I think I cried enough to last a lifetime. I don’t think I’ll ever have to cry again. I, I just sat there, and I and I dehydrated, is basically what I did. Totally dehydrated. I had to crawl out of there. I was cramped afterwards. I sat there like that for hours and hours and hours. And in a very strange space because there was no, it’s very difficult with this kind of a mind to have any access to what’s going on inside. I don’t have any way of knowing what my mind is actually going through. This is all, has always been an utter mystery to me. So, as I sat there and I went through this process, I eventually crawled into this house and went to sleep. And when I got up in the morning, I went to the bus station in the, in the town. And I took a bus to Montreal, where I had been born. And when I got into the bus depot, the announcer in the bus depot said, next train New York. And I said well okay. And I got on the next bus to the next bus and I took this bus to New York. This is a horrible bus ride. It’s about 13 hours of hell. And I got to New York, and when I got to New York I wanted to see an old friend of mine. [00:25:01][220.4]

[00:25:03] I used to, uh, sing professionally in New York. I worked as a folk singer there and many, many friends in the music business there. And I went to see a buddy of mine. We went out to a show together. and said to me, where are you going? And I heard myself say, Europe. And he said to me, where? I said, I don’t know. He says, well, by the way, there’s a People’s flight leaving, and I think they’re shutting down the airline and you can get across for 99 bucks. So, the next morning, I went to JFK and I got the last People’s flight, ey? I took the last People’s Airline out of New York to Brussels. Cost me ninety-nine dollars and they give you a bag when you get on the plane. It has a sandwich in it, eh? This was a wonderful service. [00:25:46][42.5]

[00:25:56] When I do the, the advanced training, I always tell stories about these role gates that come out of the cell. And I tell about this airplane crash in which all these different roles play out the parts and I tell people about the 20/10 you know, that the 20/10 always disappears. It disappears, a bottle, man. Well, I was a great disappear-er. I disappear. The moment that I got on that plane and I went across the Atlantic Ocean, I disappeared. Nobody heard from me. My family. My children, my workers, my friends, my parents, my relatives. I didn’t say goodbye to anybody. I simply disappeared and they would not hear from you for a very long time. I would be declared dead, legally. I would have to prove that I was alive. Eventually. This is very ugly to tell you this story. This is not something that you decide to do. I was very successful in the mundane sense of the word. I had power. I had an enormous amount of wealth for my age. I had a good life. I had a creative life. I didn’t lack for anything. There was no mystical or spiritual aspect to my nature. I have never been religious in any way, shape or form, and other than my experience with the Voice, I would still be denying the existence of that, because it never made any sense to me. Uh, I wasn’t interested in esoterica, I wasn’t interested in any of those things. No value to me. And I certainly wasn’t concerned about my life. I had always been a success. I’d always been smarter, faster, it’s always easy for me, what was hard for others. I never had anything to worry about. And there I was sitting on this airplane and I had left it all. [00:28:10][133.3]

[00:28:12] And there was nothing that I could do. There was nothing I could have done. I was absolutely helpless and that it was totally clear to me. I did know what was happening. But I didn’t know why it was happening. There is no question that while I was going through the process, from the moment I left my car, there was a sense inside of me that I may be cracking. There was a part of me that sort of thought, well, this is too much. I have done many strange things in my life. So, it wasn’t enormously out of context, but it was still a little extreme. So, there was a part of me that was concerned about that. But nonetheless, there was nothing that I could do about that. I simply disappeared. It is an archetype. It’s an archetype to disappear. It’s not something that is original with me. It’s an archetype of the way. It’s something that has to happen. It’s what often is called spiritual death. You come to a point of mystic death, come to a point where the mundane plane simply dissolves and crashes to the ground. So I disappeared and I disappeared and had no name and landed in Brussels. Brussels is a disgustingly boring city. It took me about three minutes on the streets to realize that was not the place for me. And I went to Amsterdam. And in Amsterdam, I down, near the damn in the heart of the town, I found myself one of these very, very cheap panscions. And it was a dormitory with the four beds. And I check into this room and there was a young American, one of my allies in life. He came in the panscion about 20 minutes after me, I was lying down, just vibrating, and he came in and started small talk me, you know, how are you? Oh, you’re from North America, blah, blah, blah. And you said to me, where are you going? And I said, I don’t know. He said, you should go to Ibiza. I said I should go where? He said Ibiza. I said, what is it? He said, Well, it’s an island. I said, where? He said, It in the Mediterranean off the coast of Spain. I said, Well, how do I get there? And he said, well, around the corner there’s a travel agency and they sell tickets for something called the Magic Bus. It’s one of the ironies of my mystical journey that I took the last People’s Airline flight, and I took the last Magic Bus ride from Amsterdam to Barcelona. [00:31:13][181.5]

[00:31:33] The channel of initiation, the design of looking into the void. Looking into the void is not about awareness. It had nothing to do with my awareness. The mystical way has nothing to do with awareness. The patterns have always been there. They will always be there. Many years ago, I was sitting on a mountain and a friend came up to me with a datura flower. And he said to me, try this, it’s better than what you’ve been using. So I took that that datura flower and I dried it and I cut out the veins of the statement and I took out the statement of the veins from the leaves and I decided I worked it mortar and pestle and so I loaded it up into a vitamin B shot and I shot it into my body. Nothing seemed to happen. Hours went by. And then all of a sudden, I went out like a light, and when I woke up and there were two hands digging into my thighs, tearing into them, and there were two hands in my throat, and there was somebody trying to pull my heart directly out of my body. And there were demons, and they were as real to me in that state as you walk to me at lunch it was frightening. And I fought with these demons. I don’t know how long I fought with them. I kicked them and I bit them. And I did everything I could to stay alive. And at some point, inside of all of that, there was this very quiet, very still voice inside of me that said, Ra, you’re having a drug muscle contraction. It all went away. I went outside. I lived in an old house, there was a well, I took a cold bucket of water, out of the well and I poured it over my head. Shamed myself out of that. Went back into the room and I put a bolt on my door, a big pole so nobody would come in. And I went back into a coma, my second event and I come out and there’s this bizarre thing in my room. Very bizarre. The voice would tell me about this thing. Hard to describe it, my brain said dog, but it wasn’t a dog, but it was sort of that size, but I didn’t know whether it had a head or a tail. It seemed to vibrate somehow. It sort of looked like a Rastafarian metallic locks, kind of kind of orange rusty color, this high, this big. And I was staring at this thing and I was saying, this is really incredible. Is it alive? Can I touch it? Is it real? What’s with this whole process, right? And in the moment that I was ready to do something, this thing, jump is not the word, levitate is not the word, but whatever it did, it went up in the air and it went around me. I was sitting on a platform and it went around me, and I could feel it go past me though it did not touch me. And then it went out the door, I mean through the door like Casper the friendly Ghost would go. [00:34:47][193.7]

[00:34:48] I had other events, four years ago, five years ago now, when Jürgen and I were, four years ago in our second year visiting in, in Austria, we were staying in Veen. We were staying in Kahlenberg, overlooking Veen (Vienna), in, uh, in the house of the grandson of Arthur Schnitzler, Arthur Schnitzler, there was this incredible library in the house. And one of the books was called Mayan Pharmacology that immediately attracted attention. And I went to it and I pull up this huge, you know, coffee table book and I open the book up and opens up to the section on datura. I never seen such a big section anywhere. And so, I start reading this and it says that datura was never given to the official priesthood. It was for the black shaman, the rogues. And the only way that they could start with that datura, is that somebody had to come up to them and say, try this. It’s better than what you’ve been using. This was thousands of years old and there I am sitting there telling me my story. And then they begin to describe exactly what happens, you know, they describe how the first thing that happens is you meet the demons and I’m going yeah. And it described each of the events that I had. It’s all a pattern, it’s just a pattern. I have no vanity in my movie, I just live out a pattern. It’s just another pattern and the patterns have always been there. And they will be repeated as long as we are in these forms, because it’s the nature of the pattern. What I experienced in disappearing was not my own. This was not me any more than my experiences with this old black drug datura were my experience. They were the experience within the pattern, the pattern’s always there. If the pattern is there for you, it happens. If it’s not there for you, it does not. Don’t take datura by the way, it’s very dangerous drug. Makes most people crazy. They never get past the demons. [00:37:13][145.1]

[00:37:36] This leaping into the void business, this is the ego in the 51. The ego says I’m leaping into the void, but the Shaman on the other side, the priestess on the other side in the 25th gate says no, no, no, no, no. The leaping is something that happens. It’s something that happens. You can’t leap into the void. It happens to you. There is no other way. And no vanity is going to ever be able to embrace that reality, that the void is there. And what happens is what happens. This young American that I met in Amsterdam, and when he said to me he was going out if I needed anything. And I said, well, if you find somebody with some marijuana, get me some. I didn’t see him the rest of the night. I went out and did my whatever it was. I come back. He wasn’t there, I go to sleep. I get up in the morning. I get my satchel. I go down around the corner and I go into this place and I get my magic bus ride. By the way, this is a horror trip, ey? This is 18 hours on a bus going from Amsterdam to Barcelona. And it’s a long endless journey. And I sat in deep silence with uptight, very weird people all around me on this bus, and we finally get to the Spanish border. And we get to the Spanish border and one of the Guardia Civil comes on the bus and he walks up and down the bus. And of course, he stops with me. And tells me that I have to get my bag and to come inside with him. Now, I was very well known and by that time I had already been gone about a week and there was a great deal of concern in me at that moment. Oh, you know what? If Interpol, blah, because the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, the famous Mounties, were out looking for me. They looked for me for years. They wanted to know what happened to me, there were all kinds of stories that were told, that I was kidnaped, murdered. I was a drug dealer, I was this I was that, all kinds of legends about all that. Nonetheless, my concern at that moment was, you know, I’m going to be in trouble. Something’s gone wrong. So I get off this bus. Everybody on the bus is really annoyed. They’ve been sitting on the bus 14 hours and they just want to get to Barcelona. And now in the middle of the night, they’ve stopped us and they’ve taken me into this main entrance. So I go in there with them and they take my satchel, it’s the only bag I have, they take my satchel and they zip it open, and sitting on top of my satchel is a joint, a marijuana joint. This young American who thought he was doing me a favor had rolled me a joint at night and put it on my bag so that I would see it. And here I am in the situation where I got these three guys standing around me. They opened up my bag, it’s sitting on the top and I look at them and I say, it’s not mine. And, you know, while I’m telling them it’s not mine, this guy is taking it and he’s breaking it open and he takes his lighter. And he lights it and he sniffs it. And he says to me do you know what this is? I said, yes, of course I know what it is. It’s not mine. [00:41:14][217.7]

[00:41:29] So the Haifa, the boss opens the door of his office and goes on. So, I go into his office now and his office behind his desk is, is a giant window that looks out onto the road where the cars were lined on the border. So outside, behind his desk, outside this enormous window is the whole bus that’s waiting. So all of these people, because the lights on in his office, it’s night time, all of these people are looking directly into his office as I come in and he tells me take off all my clothes. So leaping into the void is not a thing you choose, ey? I was actually quite concerned because I had a money belt on my leg and I thought it might make him nervous. You know, I didn’t know what was going to happen to be in this situation. But nonetheless, I take off my clothes and when I get to the money belt, this it’s OK. It’s just money, you know. Then he looks at me and the bus looks at me. This was my baptism, eh? And he says to me, it wasn’t yours? I said, no, it wasn’t mine. He said, You can go. [00:42:41][72.6][00:42:47] So I get dressed and while I’m getting dressed, the guards, guys in the front room, they’re packing up my bag and that’s because they ripped the bloody thing apart, they pack everything up and they’re folding my my stuff and they’re putting it in very nicely and they’re zipping it up for me. And I come out and one of them comes to me and he says to me, where are you going? I said Ibiza. He starts to laugh, he says, Oh, you like this place. And out I go. So I get back onto the bus. And when I got on the bus, you could swear I had AIDS. The way these people dealt with me when I, that’s the coldest vibe I’ve ever had in my life. They had to sit there for an hour and a half, OK, and watch my whole movie, OK, I’m sure they enjoyed themselves. So we finally get going. We get on this bus, we get all the way down to Barcelona. It’s very late. I get out of the bus, I get into a taxi, I go to the port and I’m just in time to catch the ferry that’s going to Ibiza. Now the only thing that I had on me was I had American money. So, I rush up to the wicket. You know, these are people that I say you. Yeah, you don’t hurry people, they rush up to this guy, you not another dollar. Come on, man. So I give him I give him the money. He gives me my ticket and my change I get on the ferry, it was quite, I had run down. I you know, I climb up there on the stairs, it’s about to go away. I get onto the ferry and I look at what he gave me and he had given me more money than I had given him. Not only did he, had he given me more money, he paid for my ticket to Ibiza, which I thought was very, very generous of them. After going through this embarrassment of having come naked Spain and naked into the country, eh? I finally get off onto this ferry and they pay for my ride into Ibiza. So I arrive in Ibiza at night and the lights are shining in the harbor. And this young American had told me that when I go to a Ibiza, I have to go to a place called Sandi’s Bar, which is very famous. And it was a freak bar that people do all over the planet. And I walk into this bar with my satchel and the moment I walk in the bartender, there was only one other person in the bar. The bartender says to me, throw it in the fireplace, which, he was talking about my bag. And I certainly caught what he was saying. And so I threw it in the fireplace. And there’s this guy standing there. Fisherman turns out American, huge beard on him. His name was Harrison Fisherman. Everybody called him Harrison Fisherman and he was one of these people who had love to tell your secret and wonderful stories about fishing in the South Pole. And God knows how much of it was true. But he was he was fun. And he starts to chat me up. You know, he starts talking to me and he starts telling me his story and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And this goes on. I don’t know what I’m doing there. And at some point, he stops and he introduces himself to me. My name is Harrison, everybody calls me Harrison Fisherman, and he said, What’s your name. And I’ve had this now many times in my process my ears go, funny, it’s like being in an airplane and there’s like pressure and I heard myself say, Ra. Eh, it sounded very strange to me, it did not sound strange to him, obviously. He said nice to meet you. That’s how I started my Ibiza adventure. 

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