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97 Grey: Bummed without the Voice (97.14)

97.14 Bummed Without the Voice

[00:38:15] The day after the voice left me, I get up in the morning and I, I’ve never felt like that. I was obviously very weak from being through my experience and there may have been things that were physically wrong with me at that point, uh, I was very uncomfortable, and I was very depressed. About as depressed, it’s the only depression that I know in my life actually. And I went into this, well, just a deep space, it seemed all madness, the voice was gone. I had all these funny drawings and notes, so there was this lingering reality to my experience, but there was a part of me that said, you know, we’re not going to go down and tell people that, you know, you’ve got all this stuff from the voice. All of that seemed very painful for me. I got to a point where I simply assumed that I was obviously quite out of control and there must be something deeply wrong with me. [00:39:34][79.0]

[00:39:34] Went through all these funny stages. Four or five days later, and I really don’t know how I survived all that. Other than music, but that’s another story. I save that for Monday. Anyway, an astrologer friend of mine, she had come by to see me. I hadn’t seen her in about half a year, and she was in the area and, uh, she just came up to see me. And she knew right away that she looked at me that something had gone down. She asked me if I alright, I said yeah, so I’ve had a strange experience. And I told her that was sort of very softly of my contact with the voice and the human design system. And I showed her some of the drawings. And she humored me, she was very sweet, she humored me. And she was on her way to her yoga class. [00:40:46][72.3]

[00:40:46] She was taking yoga class with a Dutch woman, Tulia, and she was going there for her weekly yoga class. And she told Tulia, in the course of their chit chat about having seen me, that I had an experience with the voice and I had this new kind of chart. All of which, knowing her as well as I do, must have been done with deep tongue in cheek. Now Tulia being a good guru chaser, she thought this was exciting and she tramped across the island the next day and came to visit me. I was very surprised to see this woman standing there. She introduced herself to me and she told me that what had happened, and she said she been told about this and she asked me if I would do her chart. And I said yes, I said I was charming. It was very funny. You know, I didn’t know anything about any of that. So, she went away and I laboriously, I’m shamed, it was inaccurate anyway, because I knew very little about any of these things and I certainly didn’t do an astrological calculation, let alone an 88-degree retrograde calculation. So, my numbers were kind of rounded off and she came back a couple of days later and I took her through what I saw, just the mechanics of what I saw, like I teach people at the very basic level and just look at the picture because the picture tells you everything. And I kept on remembering all these little voices inside of me that were my chakras talking to me. So I had some, you know, I just knew, whatever that was, I gave her an hour of my time. She loved it. A couple of days later, I had her daughter, Chique. And Tulia had a yoga practice and all the women in her yoga practice were all French speaking women came from Belgium, Switzerland and France. So I did about 13 or 14 charts in a row after that, all in French. I charged no money. I mean, I was a freak living in little ruwena, and, and sometimes they would bring me things. Anyway, one morning I get up, as I do very early, just around light breaking and I have to pee. And, of course there’s no toilet in my room, there’s just a cactus patch outside, which is the ebasanko way of being a spiritual warrior, that is cactus patches are great for that because they don’t smell, and they absorb it all. They take it. But you have to be very careful when you’re naked in a cactus patch. This is something that teaches you how to be very clear with nature. So I open up this door like my visit to Spain the first time, stark naked, open up this door and there’s three women in their 50s sitting there with baskets of fruit and flowers for me. I can, I can be very rude, and I was certainly very rude to them, I got them wet I was so rude. And I screamed at them and yelled at them and cursed at them. And these women running down the teressa with their fruit baskets flying and their flowers flying. I was infuriated by that. I got dressed and I walked across the island. It’s a long walk, maybe 30, 30 kilometers to walk to Tulia’s place. And I arrive at her yoga center and I walk into her yoga center in the middle of a meditation. And I said to her, you, bitch, I said, I’m going to kill you. I said, You get all of these charts from all these women and you burn them. And I said, if you don’t get them, then you don’t burn them, I will burn you, and I walked out. And all of her students were in this vibration wave that was very funny, in hindsight only, and looking back, I went storming across the island, walked all the way back to my ruwena. I went inside. I took all of the drawings from the voice, I took all of my notes. I stuffed them into my guitar, and I set it on fire and I burned it all and I told the gods to go to hell, that I wasn’t going to play anymore. And that was that. Yeah, that was the end of human design. I was very relieved. Uh, I had a good time after that. I enjoyed myself. I lived my freak life. I indulged in my tendency for bizarre drugs, and I simply enjoyed myself. Exactly nine months later, nine months. I had nine months off, exactly nine months later, I’m sitting on top of a mountain with Noel, the woman who brought this woman to be the first place. And the two of us are sitting on a little ground thrashing around on top of mountain, an incredible vista around us. We are both flying and I’m looking around and I see two hands in the air holding a human designed chart. In those days, I, I, they were big, the charts, and they had both wheels and body graph. And I colored them in this art. They were just pretty. There was Tulia standing there with her hands up in the air, carrying her chart. And she came up the hill and she looked at me. She put the chart in front of Tulia and she said, I don’t burn my own chart. You want to burn it, you burn it. And she gave me back the chart, otherwise, none of us will be here together because it was gone. So the yin forces in my life, they have their, strange thing, she thought I was the devil and was terrified of me and told terrible stories about me for many, many years. And last year, I’m walking through one of the pueblos on the island and all of a sudden somebody grabs me from behind and hugs me. And I turn around and there’s Tulia. And she says to me, I finally got it, and I said, Oh good. Yeah, yeah. She saved human design. No joke. [00:47:45][419.0]

[00:48:04] I called her Tulia the Rock [00:48:05][1.0]

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