The day may come when we choose who we are. Today we are products of our mothers wombs, this meat suit we fall into and all the conditioning we absorb in many ways in that darkness, in flesh, with our senses and in early childhood. Psychologists, gurus, and ancient archaeology suggests that we are creatures of patterns that we repeat over and over in our lives, from one generation to the next, from one race, from one gender we operate. The mechanics established at some early point before we know much or even remember, may create an imprint for all we know that sets the table before each of us. We may through our awakenings, experiments, lessons, shocks and our rebirthings and near death experience, or maybe even a transplanted organ here or there, tap into new patterns and stumble into unexpected wisdom. So, as it stands, some unknown pattern dictates the matching of chromazones in genetics of fathers and mothers of the lions share of the 7.8 billion human beings on the planet today, and the nature and the culture and the social circumstances, ultimately the preferences and biases, the light and shadows that we face. It’s not surprising we grow frustrated when our feelings around our experiences and circumstances seem at odds with the narrative, or expectations that we have for ourselves and others.
We forget. We execute patterns with arrogance and vanity, in pride. We are raised, we are taught, we are educated, we are encouraged to operate in such matter with ignorance to our emotions, with ignorance to our feelings with sheer identity has been pressed upon us by a social narrative, or possibly simply by the well meant understandings of our parents about who they thought we were or should be from inception. Then as life goes on the veil is lifted from time to time. We see outcroppings protruding from our lives that do not mirror these stories or these narratives or these fairytales.
What lies beneath we are left to face, to encounter, to reconcile and understand and live with. The lies we tell defy these moments of discovery of inner truth, they fester and upset our lives, trouble us as we push them down, hush them and over and over again as we fear we’ll feel shame and guilt, actually unnecessarily, needlessly, over who we are and what we feel we have done, not only to each other but to ourselves.
As evolved as we feel we are, we see people today arguing over which door to enter to use the restroom, which clothing to wear to best fit our sense of who we feel we really are, who we think we are, regardless of physically we are aligned or equipped to be. We should be able to be that, right? The identity we choose, seek, or maybe the identity we accept as a matter of fact through our living, our experiences and what works.
It may take a lifetime to resolve these this differences, practically speaking (or it could happen in a magical moment – at the hand of a pill or epiphany). Is it really about resolving the polarities we encounter or is about the feelings, the knowing and the deeper understanding from these encounters with the other?
So, is this reconciling, all these cries to see it my way or your way really necessary? Are they all for naught? Are we wasting our time trying to resolve issues that mean nothing?
Will the petri dish someday in the laboratory produce this holy grail? Give us what we think we want? Where our wildest dreams for our offsprings, our future generations, or maybe even our own life eternal – will that be the heaven that we read about, led to imagine or fantasize in our ancient channeling‘s?
Channeling? Yes. Our ancient Scriptures. The inspired collection of “creative” but divinely inspired writings managed by the priests and powerful institutions who edited and disseminate for the “better good”. No these are not “woo-woo”! Is our skepticism on the mark? Is it possible to allow ourselves to be that vulnerable? Channeled transcripts from hundreds, perhaps thousands of sources, several languages from various times in history, comprised in one piece of work that can be neatly referenced with authority. So do you still feel so safe?
Or are you still wrangling with this inner passion for control, for power over our lives, however sincere and heartfelt. Are we fighting battles we really need to be fighting? Are women truly any more powerless in any narrative than the male? Could the undebatable host of every human being on the planet actually be the most powerful? Will men and women both lose their power to the petri dish? Or will they morph into a dreamy androgynous, but unified state of co-existence … requiring some courage to walk that tight rope into the unknown. But is it really a choice?
The old sage, Alan Watts, when he was alive, spoke for hours and hours about what you really want and the consequences he’d seen play out. He walks through some of the potential outcomes of having our way with each other and with ourselves based on what we believe that we want – which is often in contrast with what we really want or, dare we say, need. His final note is one of caution, trusting we really don’t want or have the capacity to shoulder such course.
Gurdjieff, the Russian mystic, in his day, pointed out, much like Carl Jung, that we have seem to have these multiple states of consciousness, perhaps many see them more as identities that pass by our view of our selves and out lives. These identities cycle through our minds and our emotions and our experience of our own lives to the consciousness that we drink from early inception. After much observation we can learn which of these to trust or ignore.
Other mystics suggest those of us with souls are incarnated with a pre-designed set of potential learnings that we can best play out in this polarized environment that we call present day life here on earth. It’s almost as if there’s a special group of advisors collaborating with a person behind the scenes on your own feature film in the making. Only the setting, the meat suit, the circumstance and a few characters are setup for the beginning of your story to be played out by your own free will vacillating between the polarities. So, take responsibility and stay true to yourself. Allow yourself to feel and consider all the angles fully before settling or making a provocative stance, or simply conforming to one with ease.
I have no resolution to insist upon for others over any of these matters, other than some sense of trust that there does exist, a common denominator, a common truth beneath many of these suppositions and observations. As a father myself, as one who portends to care about himself and his fellow man, as a person who attempts an empathetic approach to life through trial and error, full of flaws and failure myself – but watching and feeling along the way, I’m still here, and doing the best I can to relay what I’m encountering here. For if it is not my own three blood offsprings, possibly anyone within the reach of these considerations that circle my essence may find some comfort and peace.
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